I wanted to say thank you to all those who offered opinions on what to do about my and the Mrs. marital problems and potential divorce. I must say some people in here have some strange opinions; Moeman told me to go with porn. Anyways as a result of my letter to you I got a call from this place called ‘’L’antichambre’’… yeah I know what the heck does that mean. Anyways I figured what the heck I might as well go down there and meet them. So I arrive and their office and its like a sports memorabilia store with furniture stolen from the Cage Aux Sport. In fac gtit felt allot like a Cage Aux Sport. These 5 huys are sitting there and they have Newspapers and when I walk in they flash their papers at me with these big bold black font headlines on them. This guy Bertrands said, ‘’je suis pure laine…Mrs. na pas de laine’’ this other guy named Coach had written, ‘’ Mrs. ma appris a lire, apres le sex’’ and this guy named Burgy had written, ‘’J’ai baisser Mrs. Dans un chemise des Nordique et elle a aimer ca!’’ Well kick me cause I don’t understand a word of french so I fired all of them. It didn’t matter they all looked like way past their prime dinosaur windbags.
Anyhow after much consideration and evaluation of all the opinions I received yesterday I have decided to give it one last try with the Mrs. Yes sir were gong to Ottawa this weekend. Were going to se if we can’t salvage this relationship. In fact were going to try some kinky sexual stuff to spice things up. We bought a book called Karmasutrahockey. There are some things called the ‘’PP’’ and ‘’sustained pressure for 3 periods’’ (sounds kinda gross) oh and also these positions called, ‘’throw the body around’’ and ‘’Get in front of the net’’…I never thought of the Mrs. private part as a net (no wait fill it up with…a forget it. But hell I’ll try anything. Ok well I have to head out to the Drug Store to renew my prescription of Viagra and pick up some Condoms. Condoms you ask? After 100 years together! Well yes i heard a rumour that the Mrs. might have an affair with some Russian guy for a few year here in Montreal. Apparently now he is living in Ottawa. Its supposed to be over between the two of them. Yes it seemed the Russian had the ability to make the Mrs. howl in pure delight on certain nights but would then go like 20 nights and not even be able to get it hard. Shame. Anyways I’m worried that while I’m over a the Casino in Lac Lemay (they have a lake in Ottawa?) wait Lemay isn’t even in Ottawa…I’m friggin confused…that the Mrs might scoot over to this Russians new place called ScotiaBank Centre or some friggin thing like that and take one for the team. If you know what I mean.
Alright well I’ll fill you in on my final decision about the divorce on Monday. Hope everyone has a good weekend. And hey! Hug (or bang) the one you love or you’ll end up like me and the Mrs.
Yours truly
Given it one last shot in Mtl.
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