DIVORCING THE HABS

January 28, 2010

Dear Lawyers, (EDITED CLEANED UP VERSION)


I have this problem and someone recommended that i speak with a lawyer or four. Let me explain. I have been married to this wonderful partner for let see, well about 100 years give or take a few months. Over those years we have enjoyed numerous ups and downs. During certain years, maybe aroud 24, they were like winning the Stanley Cup. They were top of the world years baby. Then there were some other years mixed in there that had some highs and lows but as long as we weren’t living in Toronto I took it with a grain of salt. But you see the problem has gotten progressively worse. I would say the last 17 years have been pretty dry (wink) you know no Stanley Cup years for me and the Mrs. Most recently I have been realy struggling with the question of divorce. You see my wife and I have been going through this particularly tough patch. There doesn’ t seem to be any consistancy in our relationship. One day its good, the next few bad, followed by a few more good ones and then some bad ones again. You get what I mean? Anyways I’m really close to throwing in the towel.

The thing that pushed me to this point was last week we decided to do a little trip to NJ (yeah I know the asshole of the U.S. but pretty much as close as I’d gotten to one in a long time). HOLY CRAP man! The Mrs. put out like 3 times that night. I was spent. So the next day we decided to return home and seeing as the night before had been so incredible I decided we should maybe do a NY theme night at home. My wife loves NY and it is my second favorite city after Montreal. So I figured hell why not! HOLY MACREL! That night the Mrs. put out 6 times….YAH EH! 6 times. I felt like the bionic man (well maybe that was the viagra). Anyways. So we get to talking and were thinking hell our relationship might be taking a turn for the better so lets take a trip to Florida and see what happens. Well screw me. On Tuesday night in Miami I get only one go at the Mrs. and she goes right off to la la land like I wasn’t even there. I don’t get to discouraged though cause I know the next nights got to be better in Tampa. BUT F?&K ME I don’t get any! NOTHING! Not even a hand job. So now I’m really pissed and I think divorce is for sure the right way to go. No other options. I’m soooooo… friggin tired of this up and down roller coaster. But everyone tells me. GET A LAWYER….so what do you think guys any solutions.

OH P.S. My Mrs. has a father who is always grumpy, never smiles and makes some seriously questionable business transactions. She also has an Uncle who at every family get together is always talking about some system no one gets. OH and my Mrs. has two friends. One is a whale and totally not dependable. The other is from some eastern country and seems to be the stable one but the Mrs. can’t make up her damn mind which one is her best friend so things get confusing all the time. Oh and she has these guy friends (3 of them) who are all like 4 ft 2 and they can really be an unpredictable bunch but I hear one of them actually makes like 8 million a year at his job.

Hope you can help

Yours truly,


Desperate in MTL